Luau Beet, Coconut, and Fennel Soup with Kefir

    Serves 3

    2 teaspoons sugar

    2 teaspoons water

1 tablespoon olive oil

½ cup chopped onion

½ cup chopped fennel bulb

¾ teaspoon fennel seeds

1 lime slice

1 large (2½- to 3-inch diameter) beets, peeled, cut into ½-inch cubes

1 maraschino cherry

1 cup low-salt chicken broth

3 fresh young coconuts (green skin cut away)

2 tablespoons canned unsweetened coconut milk

2 tablespoons light rum

½ cup unflavored kefir

2 tablespoons gold rum

4 teaspoons fresh lime juice

1 tablespoon pineapple juice

Salt and freshly ground black pepper

1. Bring sugar and water to boil in small saucepan over medium-high heat, stirring until sugar dissolves.  Cool simple syrup.
2. Heat olive oil in large saucepan over medium heat.  Add chopped onion, chopped fennel, and fennel seeds.  Sauté until vegetables soften, about 5 minutes.  Add lime slice, cubed beets, and maraschino cherry, and stir to coat.  Add broth and bring to a boil.  Cover; reduce heat to medium-low.  Cook until beets are tender, 18 to 20 minutes.
3. Meanwhile, cut off top 2 inches of coconuts; reserve coconut water.
4. Puree soup in batches in blender.  Return to same saucepan.  Whisk in 2 tablespoons simple syrup, coconut milk, light rum, ½ cup unflavored kefir, gold rum, lime juice, pineapple juice, and ¼ vcup reserved coconut water, and season soup with salt and freshly ground black pepper.  Rewarm soup.
5. Ladle soup into coconuts, dividing equally.  Drizzle with additional unflavored kefir; garnish with fennel fronds.

Chocolate-Dipped Steak Pizza-Layered Cannoli with Pistachios

      Serves 4

    ½ pound boneless sirloin steak, trimmed and cut into ¼-inch slices

2 teaspoons olive oil, divided

¼ teaspoon salt, divided

¼ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, divided

2 teaspoons minced fresh garlic

½ tablespoon fresh oregano

½ (28-ounce) can unsalted whole tomatoes, undrained

⅓ cup part-skim ricotta cheese

1 tablespoon ⅓-less-fat cream cheese

1 ounce shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese (about ¼ cup)

½ teaspoon grated orange rind

⅛ teaspoon vanilla extract

2 tablespoons powdered sugar

1 (1-inch-thick) slice ciabatta bread, cut lengthwise into 4 strips

4 (5-inch-long) cannoli shells

1½ tablespoons finely chopped roasted pistachios

2 tablespoons torn basil leaves

½ teaspoon finely chopped bittersweet chocolate

1. Preheat broiler to high.
2. Heat a large skillet over high heat.  Combine steak and ½ teaspoon oil in a large bowl; toss to coat.  Sprinkle steak with ⅛ teaspoon salt and ⅛ teaspoon pepper.  Add steak to pan; cook for 2 minutes or until browned, stirring occasionally.  Remove steak from pan.
3. Reduce heat to medium-high.  Add remaining oil to pan, and swirl to coat.  Add garlic, and sauté for 30 seconds.  Add oregano, remaining salt, remaining pepper, and tomatoes.  Reduce heat, and simmer 6 minutes, mashing tomato mixture with potato masher.  Return steak to pan, and toss to coat.  
4. Place ricotta, cream cheese, mozzarella, orange rind, and vanilla extract in a mini food processor; process until smooth.  Add powdered sugar, and pulse until well combined.  Place cheese mixture in a small heavy-duty zip-top plastic bag; seal bag.
5. Place bread on a baking sheet; broil 1 minute or until lightly toasted. Spoon tomato mixture evenly over bread strips; place 1 strip bread at bottom of each cannoli shell. Snip a ½-inch hole in one bottom corner of bag containing cheese mixture.  Squeeze cheese mixture into top of cannoli shells until shells are full.  Broil 2 minutes or until cheese begins to brown.
6. Combine pistachios, basil, and chocolate in a small bowl.  Evenly dip ends of cannoli in pistachio mixture.

Jicama, Butternut Squash, and Pomegranate Au Gratin with Wild Mushrooms and Crispy Bacon

    Serves 7 (serving size: about 13 tablespoons)

    1½ tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, divided

    1 thinly sliced green onion

    4 cups finely diced peeled butternut squash, divided (about 2 pounds)

    ⅜ teaspoon kosher salt, divided

    1 center-cut bacon slice

    2 ounces sliced chantarelle mushrooms

    2 ounces sliced shiitake mushroom caps

    ¾ tablespoon chopped fresh sage

    2 tablespoons unsalted beef stock (such as Swanson)

    1 ounce Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese, grated and divided (about ¼ cup)

    1½ cups julienne-cut peeled jicama (about ½ medium)

    1 tablespoon part-skim ricotta cheese

    ¼ cup pomegranate arils

    8 teaspoons vertically sliced red onion

⅛ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

    2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro

    Cooking spray

    2 tablespoons fresh lime juice

    ½ tablespoon agave nectar

    3 ounces oyster mushrooms, sliced

    ⅛ teaspoon ground red pepper

1. Preheat oven to 350° F.
2. Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat.  Add ½ tablespoon oil; swirl to coat.  Add green onion; sauté 30 seconds.  Add 3 cups squash; sauté 2 minutes.  Reduce heat to medium-low, and stir in ⅛ teaspoon salt.  Cook, covered, 15 minutes or until tender.  Increase heat to medium-high.  Cook, uncovered, 2 minutes or until liquid evaporates, stirring frequently.  Place squash mixture in a large bowl; mash with a potato masher or fork until smooth.
3. Cook bacon in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat until crisp.  Remove bacon from pan, reserving drippings in pan; crumble bacon.  Add chantarelles, shiitakes, and sage to drippings; sauté 8 minutes or until mushrooms are browned.  Add stock; cook 3 minutes or until liquid almost evaporates.  Add mushroom mixture, remaining squash, ⅛ teaspoon salt, ½ ounce Parmigian-Reggiano cheese, jicama, ricotta cheese, pomegranate, red onion, black pepper, and cilantro to mashed squash mixture, stirring to combine.  Spoon squash mixture into a broiler-safe 11 x 7-inch glass or ceramic baking dish coated with cooking spray.  Cover with foil; bake for 1 hour.  Remove pan from oven; discard foil.
4. Preheat broiler to high.
5. Combine bacon, remaining Parmigiano-Reggiano, remaining oil, remaining salt, lime juice, nectar, oyster mushrooms, and red pepper in a bowl, stirring with a whisk; pour over gratin.  Broil 6 minutes or until lightly browned.  Let stand 5 minutes before serving.

Cider’n’Cream-Roasted Olives

     Serves 4

    1 cup apple cider

    ½ cinnamon stick

1 cup mixed olives (with pits)

½ cup vanilla ice cream

3 cloves garlic, finely chopped

½ tablespoon caramel sauce

¼ teaspoon crushed red pepper

Grated nutmeg to taste

2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

1½ sprigs thyme

¼ lemon, zested and juiced   

1. In small saucepan, heat cider with cinnamon stick.  Remove stick; combine cider and all other ingredients in 2-quart baking dish and bake at 400° F for 20 minutes.  Serve warm or at room temperature.

Fruit-and-Egg Muffins Baked in Tomato Cups

    Serves 10

    ½ cup organic mixed dried fruit, such as raisins, cranberries, chopped apricots, chopped figs, et cetera

    10 large tomatoes

    Salt and pepper

    8 teaspoons grated Parmesan cheese

    ¾ cup whole-wheat pastry flour

    ¼ cup all-purpose flour

    6 tablespoons turbinado sugar, plus more for sprinkling

    1 tablespoon orange zest

    ¾ teaspoon baking powder

    ¼ teaspoon cinnamon

    ⅛ teaspoon baking soda

    ⅛ teaspoon salt

    5 medium eggs

    6 tablespoons low-fat plain yogurt

    ½ teaspoon dried herbs, such as oregano, chervil, basil, or sage

1. Preheat oven to 425° F.  Place dried fruit in heatproof bowl.  Cover with boiling water, and let stand 5 minutes to plump fruit.  Drain, and set aside.  Slice tops off tomatoes, and scoop out seeds and pulp.  Place tomatoes in shallow baking dish coated with nonstick cooking spray, and sprinkle cavities with salt, pepper, and pinches of cheese.
2. Combine flours, sugar, orange zest, baking powder, cinnamon, baking soda, and salt in a large bowl.
3. Whisk together eggs and yogurt in separate bowl.  Stir egg mixture into flour mixture.  Fold in fruit.
4. Fill tomato cups with batter.  Sprinkle tops with salt, pepper, herbs, remaining sugar, and remaining cheese.  Bake 20 minutes.  Cool 5 minutes in pan and serve.

Smoky Banana-Chocolate Penne with Corn, Fruit, and Cherry Tomatoes

    Serves 5

    1½ medium-size bananas

    6 ounces penne pasta

    ½ dried chipotle chile, soaked in hot water 10 minutes, or ½ chile from 4-ounce can chipotle peppers in adobo sauce

    1 tablespoon olive oil, divided

    2 cloves garlic, minced (about 2 teaspoons)

    ½ 2-ounce log goat cheese, plus more for crumbling and sprinkling, if desired

    6 tablespoons reduced-fat unsweetened coconut milk

    8 teaspoons water

    6 tablespoons vegan semisweet chocolate chips

    8 teaspoons maple syrup

    8 teaspoons chopped cilantro

    ⅜ teaspoon vanilla extract

    1 cup halved cherry tomatoes

    1½ cups strawberries, stemmed and quartered

    1 cup fresh or frozen corn kernels

    1½ kiwis, peeled, halved crosswise and sliced

    1 mango, peeled and cut into 1-inch pieces

    Salt and pepper, to taste

    2 tablespoons dried unsweetened coconut

1. Preheat oven to 350° F.  Bake whole unopened bananas 15 minutes, or until black and soft.  Cut tips and squeeze flesh into bowl of food processor.
2. Cook pasta according to package directions.
3. Meanwhile, remove seeds from chipotle chile and finely chop.  Heat ½ tablespoon oil in skillet over medium-low heat.  Add chile and garlic, and sauté 1 minute or until fragrant.  Stir in goat cheese, coconut milk, and water, and cook 3 minutes, or until smooth sauce forms, stirring constantly.  Stir in chocolate chips and simmer 2 minutes more, then remove from heat and add syrup, cilantro, vanilla, and remaining oil.  Purée sauce with bananas until smooth.
4. Drain pasta, and return to pot.  Add tomatoes, strawberries, corn, kiwis, chocolate-cheese sauce, and mango.  Season to taste with salt and pepper, and transfer to warm serving bowl.  Sprinkle with coconut and extra goat cheese crumbles, and serve.

Raspberry-Cornmeal-Banana-Carrot S’mores

    Serves 6

    ¼ cup fresh raspberries

    ½ teaspoon sugar

    6 tablespoons all-purpose flour

    1 tablespoon yellow cornmeal

    ¼ teaspoon dry mustard powder

    3 low-fat graham crackers, crumbled

    ⅛ teaspoon salt

    ⅛ teaspoon baking powder

    1 carrot, grated (about ½ cup)

    2 small green onions (white and pale green parts), thinly sliced

    ½ 4-ounce bar milk chocolate, broken into ½-inch pieces

    ½ cup grated sharp Cheddar cheese (about 1½ ounces)

    1 egg, lightly beaten

    ¼ cup low-fat milk

    ½ banana, thinly sliced on an angle

    6 tablespoons marshmallow fluff

1. Preheat broiler.  Toss berries with sugar in bowl, and let stand 10 minutes.
2. Combine flour, cornmeal, mustard, graham cracker, salt, and baking powder in medium bowl.  Add carrots, green onions, chocolate, cheese, egg, and milk, and mix well.
3. Heat large nonstick skillet over medium heat.  Scoop tablespoonfuls of batter into pan, then spread flat with back of spoon to about 3-inch diameter.  Cook 1¼ to 1½ minutes per side.  Transfer to baking sheet.
4. Set 1 or 2 banana slices over half of the cakes.  Top remaining cakes with raspberries.
5. Spread ½ tablespoon marshmallow fluff over each s’more.  Place 6 to 8 inches under broiler, and broil ¾ to 1 minute, or until fluff is toasty and browned.  Serve immediately.

Just finished a bowl of Amber’s Spicy Tarragon Sweet Potato, Peach, and Red Lentil Stew with Crumbled Roquefort

Yep.  For dinner in my new apartment (I moved in three days ago), I finally got around to cooking one of my cocina che cazzo recipes: <a href="http://wtfcuisine.blogspot.com/2013/09/ambers-spicy-tarragon-sweet-potato.html">Amber’s Spicy Tarragon Sweet Potato, Peach, and Red Lentil Stew with Crumbled Roquefort</a>.

There were a few substitutions (inferior blue cheese, real sour cream), mistakes (forgot to add the balsamic until halfway through the final cooking stage), and unexpected choices I had to make (which peach and sweet potato to buy?  I bought yellow peaches and Japanese sweet potato), but I did it!  I cooked my first WTF cuisine recipe in years!

My housemate and I rather liked it.  He said it's hard to get his approval for cooking and that I had gotten it for this dish, so that's a good sign!  It was sweet, but not like candy.  In fact, although it was a hearty dish, the sweetness gave it a lightness that could make it a surprisingly deeply-flavored summer dish (in my opinion).  And the combination of sweet and spicy worked incredibly well, not like anything I've encountered.  Which is a perfect What the Fuck? flavor profile!

My roommates suggested adding some citrus, either lemon juice or orange zest at the end (like with the cinnamon and tarragon).  I think I agree, but I'm not certain how much . . . .  Any thoughts?

This dish has been officially approved by my tongue for presentation to other people on a gift economy!  I think a good range would be like $3-11 per serving -- the six servings in the base recipe would thus make it $18-66 range, NOTAFLOF GAYAABAGS[1].  One highly welcomed method of fulfilling the GAYAABAGS spell would be to write a review of the dish for this blog.  *wink wink*  Anyone want me to cook them a meal this month?  ;-)





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[1]   No One Turned Away For Lack Of Funds Give As You Are Able But Always Give Something

Amber’s Spicy Tarragon Sweet Potato, Peach, and Red Lentil Stew with Crumbled Roquefort

    Serves 6

    ½ tablespoon vegetable oil

    1¼ tablespoons flaxseed oil

    ¾ tablespoon balsamic vinegar

    ½ yellow onion, diced

    4 cloves garlic, finely chopped (about 4 teaspoons)

    1 canned chipotle chile, drained

    2 slices Yves Canadian Veggie bacon, diced

    2 tablespoons dry white wine

    1¾ cups low-sodium vegetable broth

    1½ cups water

    2 medium-size peaches, peeled and cut into thin slices

    ½ cup red lentils

    1 medium-size sweet potato, peeled and cubed (1½ cups)

    1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh tarragon

    ¼ teaspoon cinnamon

    Salt and pepper to taste

    2 small corn tortillas, cut into thin strips

    2 tablespoons crumbled Roquefort or other blue cheese (about ½ ounce)

    4 tablespoons vegan sour cream

    1 green onion, chopped

    Cilantro, for garnish

1. Heat oils and vinegar in large stockpot over medium-high heat.  Sauté onion and garlic 5 to 7 minutes or until onions are translucent.  Be careful not to burn garlic.
2. Add chopped chipotle chiles, veggie bacon, and wine, and sauté 1 minute more.
3. Add broth, water, peaches, lentils, and sweet potatoes; cook 20 minutes, or until lentils fall apart.  Stir in tarragon and cinnamon; add salt and pepper to taste.
4. Cook tortilla strips in small skillet over high heat 3 to 5 minutes, or until crispy.  Set aside.
5. Ladle stew into bowls, and top each serving with ⅔ tablespoon sour cream, ⅓ tablespoon cheese, green onions, and tortilla strips.  Garnish with cilantro, and serve.

Lettuce and Roasted Red Pepper Patina

½ envelope dry onion soup mix

¼ teaspoon basil leaves

½ tablespoon garum

½ jar roasted red peppers packed in oil, undrained

2 tablespoons caroenum

4 ounces sour cream

½ tablespoon olive oil

⅛ teaspoon oregano

Black pepper to taste

1½ bunches romaine lettuce

Water

2 eggs

1. In food processor or blender, combine soup mix, basil, garum, peppers, caroenum, sour cream, oil, oregano, and black pepper; blend until smooth.
2. Coarsely chop lettuce and heat it in a pan with pepper mixture; add water while cooking to keep the pan wet but do not add too much water.
3. Meanwhile, beat the eggs. Add them to the mixture and finish cooking in the oven.

Cheese, Egg, and Kalamata Bruschetta

½ teaspoon garum or oenogarum

2 garlic cloves, pressed for their juice

¼ cup sliced pitted kalamata olives

2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

Black pepper to taste

½ sour french baguette, sliced

2 cloves garlic

3 ounces feta cheese, cut into slices

2 hard-boiled eggs, sliced

1 tablespoon chopped basil

1. Mix garum, garlic juice, olives, 1 tablespoon oil, and pepper together.
2. Toast or grill bread, then rub all over with garlic coves while still hot. Drizzle bread on one side with remaining oil, then top each piece with a slice of cheese, egg slices, and olive mixture. Garnish with basil and serve.

Drunken Spinach Dip

½ small can water chestnuts

½ package frozen spinach, defrosted

¼ small onion

½ teaspoon cornstarch

½ cup dry wine, divided

1 egg yolk

½ teaspoon vinegar

½ cup mayonnaise

½ teaspoon garum

½ 16-ounce sour cream

½ tablespoon olive oil

½ package dry vegetable soup mix

½ tablespoon total lovage, cumin, coriander, and mint

Pepper to taste

1. Drain thawed chestnuts and frozen spinach well. Chop chestnuts, onion, and spinach in a food processor.
2. Dissolve cornstarch in 2 tablespoons wine; put aside. Beat egg yolk with vinegar, mayonnaise, garum, sour cream, oil, soup mix, and remaining wine. Add spinach mixture, herbs, and pepper and mix well; cook for 10 minutes over low heat. As soon as dip begins to bubble, add the prepared starchy wine; mix well.
3. Hollow out center of round loaf of french bread. Cut loaf of french brad into 1-inch cubes. Spoon dip into center of round loaf just before serving with bread cubes.

Ancestral Cuisine

Course #3:

1. Pink Sweet-and-Savory Spread
2. Deviled Eggs with Dates and Dill
3. Artichoke-Prune-Parmesan Bruschetta
4. Artichoke, Olive, Myrtle, and Pepper Sauce
5. Green Artichoke Nibbles
6. Drunken Spinach Dip
7. Cheese, Egg, and Kalamata Bruschetta
8. Lettuce and Roasted Red Pepper Patina

Green Artichoke Nibbles

1 6-ounce jar marinate artichoke hearts

3 pitted dates

½ small onion, finely chopped

1 clove garlic

1 medium bunch + 1 tablespoon parsley, minced, divided

2 tablespoons Italian bread crumbs

½ bay leaf

Pinch each of caraway, cumin, and mixed aromatic herbs

⅛ teaspoon salt

½ sprig lavender

½ tablespoon vinegar

⅛ tablespoon pepper

1 tablespoon olive oil

½ teaspoon honey

⅛ teaspoon oregano

½ teaspoon garum

½ tablespoon wine

⅛ teaspoon Tabasco sauce

2 eggs

¼ pound sharp cheddar cheese, shredded

1. Chop artichokes and dates, reserving half of liquid from artichokes.
2. Add reserved liquid to frying pan. Add onion and garlic to frying pan and sauté until onion is limp (about 5 minutes).
3. Using a blender, mix dates, bunch parsley, bread crumbs, bay leaf, herbs, salt, lavender, vinegar, pepper, olive oil, honey, oregano, garum, wine, and hot sauce.
4. In a bowl, beat eggs with a fork. Stir in herb mixture, onion mixture, artichokes, remaining parsley, and cheese. Turn into a lightly oiled 8x13 cookie sheet. Bake at 325º for 30 minutes. Let cool in pan. Cut into 1-inch squares. Refrigerate in an airtight container layered with wax paper. Serve on platter cold with toothpicks.

Artichoke, Olive, Myrtle, and Pepper Sauce

½ package frozen artichoke hearts

½ large red bell pepper

2 ounces small button mushrooms

½ small onion

6 tablespoons pitted kalamata olives

4½ tablespoons olive oil

½ teaspoon cumin

1 tablespoon chopped fresh basil

¼ teaspoon pepper

1½ teaspoons minced garlic

½ teaspoon honey

1½ tablespoons red wine vinegar

½ teaspoon garum

½ tablespoon chopped Italian parsley

½ teaspoon dijon mustard

3 pitted myrtle berries

Salt and pepper, to taste

½ cup defrutum, divided

½ teaspoon cornstarch

1. Wash all fresh ingredients well. Prepare artichoke hearts, thaw, drain well, and half lengthwise. Cut bell pepper into matchstick-size strips. Trim and quarter the mushrooms. Slice the onion thin. Take olives and quarter lengthwise.
2. Whisk oil, cumin, basil, pepper, garlic, honey, vinegar, garum, parsley, and mustard in large bowl. Add vegetables, olives, and berries. Toss to coat; season with salt and pepper. Cover and refrigerate at least 2 hours, stirring occasionally.
3. Place mixture in casserole and crush together with half of the defrutum. Cook on stove for approximately 10 minutes, reducing it a bit. Meanwhile, dissolve the starch in the remaining defrutum. Add this to the sauce and cook a further 10 minutes.